Sixes are incredibly loyal to their friends and their beliefs. They will defend their families, friends and beliefs more passionately than they will defend themselves. The loyalty comes from the fear of being abandoned with no support or guidance - “as I don’t trust myself I must hang on to those things I do trust.” So the central issue for the Six is a lack of self-confidence – confidence in the self as opposed to confidence in external factors.
They have lost a connection with the quiet mind and their deep sense of inner knowing and guidance that is available to everyone. To manage this, they will look to a belief system, an authority figure, models, structures, etc to provide the guidance they are lacking. Then, because they know the world is not safe, the Six constantly scans the horizon for danger and takes evasive and pre-emptive action. As a result Sixes are great trouble shooters and devil’s advocates: they can see problems and risks where others can’t.
Until a Six gets in touch with their inner guidance, they can be a reactive ping pong ball bouncing between whatever is hitting hardest at the moment. This reactivity means Sixes can be strong and weak, fearful and courageous, trusting and distrusting, defenders and provokers, hot and cold, sweet and sour, aggressive and passive, bullies and weaklings, on the defensive side and on the offensive side, thinkers and doers, group people and soloists, believers and doubters, cooperative and obstructionist, tender and mean, generous and petty and so on – they can be one thing and then the total opposite. It’s the contradictory picture that is the characteristic “fingerprint’ of the Six – a bundle of opposites.
When a Six learns to face their anxieties they make peace with the changing nature of the world, and will be serene and courageous in any circumstance. Then they can attain a deep sense of inner peace. A healthy Six will have amazing resilience, be all over the detail and tend do things very methodically and diligently. They will trust themselves deeply and trust others, creating deep fulfilling relationships. A Six will begin to look and feel like a healthy Nine, becoming more present and aware of their bodies and their inner wisdom. Healthy Sixes are great leaders.
How to Recognise a Six
On the Enneagram, they are likely to be the types who are hardest to place. Sixes are the anxious types. They can be pessimistic, scouring the landscape for signs of things going wrong and seeking sources of security to protect themselves. Their insecurity is revealed in their speech which is peppered with doubts, questions and warnings. But there is another manifestation of the anxious type: in aggression, blame, sarcasm and attack. Often it is impossible to know which of the two characteristics will surface. For the Six works from the head: if a Six feels anxiety, he or she is as likely to decide to be anxious as they are to be aggressive.
To discover the Sixes on your team, ask yourself: “Who always needs to check things out before acting?”, “Who has the best sense of danger?” and “Who tends to sway between being defensive and being aggressive?”
Others may experience them as paranoid, defensive and procrastinating but at their best they are warm and faithful with an astute understanding of the hidden agendas that influence relating.
The Six at Work
Sixes represent the working style of ‘follow orders’. For a Six, work provides meaning to life, the organisation provides security and the boss provides authority. It is natural for a Six to fit in and do as they’re told.
Fear drives the Six and is why they are so obedient to the organisation. But fear can also paralyse a Six especially when they’re unsure about what they’re doing. They resort to questions to delay doing anything and to satisfy their need to check things out. Their questions check what they should be doing, put the onus on others, and so they can blame others if things go wrong.
The most commonly-met Six types in the workplace are: risk assessors, quality control checkers, accountants, managers and safety officers.
Working with a Six
They might say…
"Things could go wrong here. I can make it safe for everyone by scanning the environment and working out what needs to be taken care of”.
They get stressed by …
Self imposed pressure and time wasted in efforts to deal with uncertainty and insecurity, difficulties with authority, either excessive obedience or rebellion, trying to maintain the trust and goodwill of others while experiencing mistrust and and ambivalence toward them.
They get angry because of …
Untrustworthiness, betrayal, feeling cornered or controlled or pressured, interactions with others that feel too demanding.
Get along with them by …
Keep them informed with lots of information, realise they play the devil’s advocate without believing it, make sure your proposals are well founded and all details have been checked, be open and honest as they are allergic to hidden agendas and spot them immediately.