Type 2

The Helper

When in balance, Twos are helpful, loving, generous and considerate. They enliven others with their appreciation and attention, helping people see positive qualities in themselves that they may not have recognised. Twos are the embodiment of the good parent people wish they had: seeing people as they are, understanding them with immense compassion, helping and encouraging with infinite patience, and always willing to lend a hand—while knowing precisely how and when to let go.

But Twos can be limited by their shadow side—pride (denying their own needs and focusing on others), self-deception, the tendency to become overly involved in the lives of others, and the tendency to manipulate others to get their own emotional needs met. Twos often struggle with transformational work as it involves going to the dark places within. They prefer to see themselves in only the most positive and glowing terms.

The biggest obstacle for a Two is having to face their fear of worthlessness—the idea that they have to be or do something extraordinary to win love and acceptance from others. Average to unhealthy Twos seek validation of their worth by sacrificing themselves for others—they put others first and are loving and unselfish to get the love they want. The trouble is this causes Twos to become secretly angry and resentful, feelings they work hard to repress or deny. Ultimately those feelings erupt and damage the very relationships they value so much.

When Twos learn to nurture themselves and meet their own needs, they achieve a balance in which loving relationships are not only possible but happen easily. They become deeply unselfish and are altruistic—they love seeing people thrive and good being done in the world. As leaders, they energetically support others, understanding others’ feelings and needs and responding to them without expecting anything in return. They are truly empowering.

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How to recognise a Two

Twos are people who have the ability to make instant contact with others, whether family, friends or strangers. They are skilled and natural communicators, and use the language of contact. They seem to know instinctively what to say to others. Words are easy because their emotions lead, and they often talk rapidly because their emotions flow quicker than their thoughts. Their language is not intellectual, sophisticated or contrived but direct, plain-speaking, everyday language. The wisdom of Twos is folksy and homespun.

Twos can adjust themselves according to who they’re talking to, easily slipping into the current idiom, parlance or way of speaking. Their motives are, or appear to be, heartfelt and genuine, and they therefore make good listeners, sentence finishers, gossips and advisors.

Some experience Twos as needy, demanding and manipulative, but at their best they are inspirational and loving supporters of others.

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The Two at work

It can be exhausting being a Two boss. A Two boss sees their role as being Helper of the team.  They will make sure they check up on how everyone is at least once a day. If anyone has a problem, Twos throw themselves into seeing that it is sorted out at once.

Two bosses remember all the personal details about their team. They never forget anyone’s birthday, a date for a meeting, a team celebration or the welcome for a new member of the team. They love nothing better than for others to pour their heart out to them.

When they exhaust themselves from so much giving, Twos expect others to show their thanks and gratitude in compliant ways—by leading their lives in the ways Twos want. When this fails to happen, Two bosses feel like giving up on their ungrateful staff—until the next time someone needs them.

To discover the Twos on your team, ask yourself:

Who always has a kind word? 
Who likes to match-make? 
Who can communicate easily with others?

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Working with a Two

They might say:

"These poor people. I wish I had time to give everyone my attention. They need my help.”

They get stressed by …

• Feeling indispensable to too many people and projects
• Confusion about their own needs
• Emotional upheavals resulting from investing too much in relationships

They get angry when they feel …

• Unappreciated or uncared for
• Controlled

Get along with them by ...

• Say thank you—approval and appreciation are important
• Don't take advantage of their helpfulness
• Ask specifically what support they need (they won’t volunteer it)
• Show personal involvement and interest